I don't know what to do.

Joe and Susan are lovely, really really lovely, even if Joe's very quiet, but then he's like Ciar, Ciar goes quiet when he's upset or worried, and he's so quiet right now, and I don't know what to talk to Susan about because everything in her head is about Aidan and Lys, which is only natural, he's her son and she knows Lys much better than she knows me, and everything we talk about (or I talk to her about) seems to end up being about Aidan, and they're trying so hard not to crack or cry, especially when Ciar's about, and when Joe got back yesterday from trying to see Aidan, he was so pale and...

And I'm babbling, because I'm scared and worried and I have no idea what to do or say any more, and I've just realised how SELFISH I sound, and I'm not, I'm really not, but...

why am I not sick? I was training with Aidan on Monday for a LONG time, and he called round on Tuesday, and he was sneezing but he said there must have been dust in the A/C and then on Wednesday...

so... why aren't I?